Why Questions...from Aaron

Our friend Aaron (of SPUR58) started this great topic...thought I would contribute my top 5 to my own blog...

Why was I given four beautiful children when I made the mistake I made so many years ago?

Why do I feel like a failure as a parent on a regular basis?

Why don't I read my Bible more consistently?

What does it take to feel like a Christian?

Why do I want my heart to feel like God is wrapped around it and through it and under it and over it...and yet, I feel like I don't have that heart....?

Apparently I am not finished "talking" yet!

Have you ever been on a jury? Watched an episode of "Law & Order"? Been curious (because I've never been on a jury) about what happens to the jury when the judge tells them to consider the words that just came from either the prosecuting attorney or defense attorney or the person on the stand to be stricken? (WHOO RUN ON SENTENCE). I was thinking about it tonight...in the library. Is there ANY way to remove the words you just heard from your brain? Is there any way to take back what has been put into your mind and hypnotise yourself into believing it isn't there anymore? Hmmmmmmm...something tells me I couldn't do that. This leads me to believe if I say something to someone, chances are, it's in their head. If I yell at my kids, it's there. It isn't going away. If I say something wrong to someone, intentionally or unintentionally, it's out there. Have you ever heard the story about the nails & the fence? There is a little boy, he is not being very nice...his dad needs him to understand what he is doing...he sends the boy to a fence with a bucket of nails and a hammer. He tells the boy to hammer the nails into the fence. The boy does. Then the dad tells him to remove all of the nails he just hammered into the fence. The boy does. Here's what makes my heart hurt...The dad then walks out to the fence to meet the boy. He kneels down next to him and calmly explains how the nails represent the words of anger or frustration or whatever the boy might have said to someone. The holes are what are left...even after the boy apologizes to the person he hurts. How often do I do this? I know this is the same as the previous post...ha! I am overloaded with pms and too little sleep.

The Two Second Rule

My mom taught Oldest Girl something last year...I wish I could figure out how to make it work myself. She taught her the "Two Second Rule". This rule is simple: before you speak, wait two seconds. IF what you say is still ok to say, say it. If not, you hurt someone unintentionally, you say the first thing on your mind...and you could say something you will regret. Now, an 8 year old has a little bit of a grace period when it comes to this new rule. Me...I'm 32...I don't believe I have an excuse anymore. If anything, I need to wake up and smell some time-out. It amazes me how quickly a small comment can turn into something you NEVER meant to say or NEVER meant someone else to feel. So...my new goal for myself: "Two Second Rule". I'm going to try it...see how it works. I am generally a decent person...but with my husband...my kids...and my friends...I think I need to work a little...ok...a lot. I truly believe you can never improve yourself enough...I want to be a better person...ongoing...

Amazing Hearts...

So today, we had a yard sale. All day long I have been fighting the "grumpies". I hate the grumpies, they make me grumpy...(by the way, I'm the grumpies...). So anyway, I finished with my yard sale earlier than normal because I was just tired...and Oldest Girl had to go to the orthodontist (she just received her expander today). Anyway...the point of this whole story is this...I decided to put the rest of the yard sale stuff in the front lawn with a sign that said FREE. So I leave...and get a phone call from my friend Flicka telling me she was watching some people at our house...they were looking at stuff...then they looked at our herb garden and Flicka was worried they were going to try to take something not in the "Free Sale". So she (THANK YOU FLICKA...you have no idea how appreciated you are...) came down here to make sure they weren't taking something they shouldn't...and found out THEY WERE TRYING TO LEAVE MONEY! I couldn't believe it. I seriously think that was medicine to my soul. It wasn't the money...that wasn't it all...it was the heart behind the money. What special people they were to leave money at a FREE YARD SALE! So if it was you...thank you. You are truly special people!!

Why Not?

So 5 Minutes for Mom is having a contest. I am NEVER opposed to winning something...so how about a DYSON Slim? YEE HAW! Check out Dyson....

Contentment

What do Amish people have that we don't have? I'm not talking about the electricity, the running water, the vehicles or the clothing...nope...contentment. They live a life of simplicity and born out of the simplicity is the contentment like no other.

I am sitting here in my family room...all is quiet in the house, the kids are all either sleeping or reading quietly in their rooms. I am sitting on our oversized chair with my dirty feet propped up reading a book...and listening to the pond in the backyard. No...I don't have my ranch with 100 acres. I don't have horses. I don't have lots of room in my house.

What I do have: A beautiful home. An amazing family. A loving husband (no matter how much he drives me crazy, he is awesome!). A gorgeous flower garden. A swingset that makes my kids happy. Food. Clothing. Shelter. For just a few minutes today...I am sitting in complete and utter contentment. I can keep this going if I try hard enough. The worldly things are not what I want. I want God. I want Christ IN ME. I want peace that passes understanding. So right now, I am starting with contentment.

Grammar Girl...HOW AWESOME IS THIS?

Check out Grammar Girl. I had heard of her. I of course have no idea if I am writing grammatically correct...so tell me if I am wrong, ha! :)

Oldest Girl...

I do believe she is growing up. She just got a phone call from a friend of hers from school, JUST TO CHIT CHAT! How funny is that? It is really funny to listen to them talk. She has never chit chatted with anyone other than her grandparents on the phone...cracking me up. And making me a little sad...oh I just love her. She is so cute...At least she isn't trying to hide in another room while she is talking! :)

The Latest Book in My World

I am currently Reading Francine Rivers "The Last Sin Eater" and am somewhat mistified by the book. I am not sure why I am saying this other than I know I put this one down before because I couldn't get into it. Now I am having a love/hate relationship with it. It is not a "typical" Francine Rivers book that you can't stop reading...although, I am struggling to stop reading each time I pick it up...but it's not super easy reading. The language is old scottish or something like that...Currently I am picturing a group of mountain people in the Appalachians. Not sure if that is correct...but that is what I am picturing in my head. Apparently this is now a movie. Do you think Christians are making a move to take over the big screen? I hope so. I know I want to see the movie. But I have a STEADFAST rule...BOOK BEFORE MOVIE! It is truly imperative to me I read the book or my children read the book before they see a movie.

I am really interested in seeing where this book takes me. I believe this is a Spiritual Journey...I'm enjoying it. I really love to watch/participate in God's plan...

My Sister's Hangers...

Loved this post from my sister...it is so sweet and well...thought provoking, which, as always, I love!!!

too many hangers...
Today I cleaned out my closet. Two bags and one box full of hangers I am throwing away...empty hangers. Pointless hangers.
Do you ever feel like your thoughts are hangers? you know...sitting in your brain just hanging around with no point... no reason. Just a bunch of mindless thoughts rambling around taking up endless bits of time.
I feel that way tonight. My brain is overloaded with exhaustion (which is why I am on xanga at 9:30...)and I have these thoughts swimming around my head - going nowhere. Opinions upon opinions with random pieces of reason thrown in to make me think I am analyzing concepts to reach an end. (I am not really - I just like to over analyze, philosophizing until it just fizzles out...)
Frankly I love to philosophize - wish more people just enjoyed sitting around discussing the merits of this line of reasoning verses another. But most people just end up getting really defensive and the conversation is pretty moot since it becomes an argument instead of a deep conversation.
Defensiveness appears to be a pride issue at the heart... another thing for me to work on... hangers... all of this is just another hanger. One day - I hope to take all of my hangers and give them away. And then maybe like the dry cleaners... God will give them back to me with clothes on them. You know this is the way my brain works...somehow hangers became so much more... and now I can picture God giving me a hanger with say the clothing of righteousness... or joy...or patience.... So in my head hangers are so much more than empty thoughts (or hanging objects) rambling around my head.
And when hangers and God somehow go together...you know it is time for bed.
Night!

Little House On The Prairie

So I hadn't seen the episode where Laura stuff's her dress with apples...hilarious! I actually laughed out loud. But thats not what got me. What got me was Mrs. Ingall's response to Laura's silliness...she made the statement that God went to all the trouble to make Laura Ingalls so why should she try to be something she's not?

It made me stop in my rocking chair and think. How often do we try to be something we aren't? How often do we try to please the masses instead of doing what we KNOW is the right thing? Do we stick to our morals? Do we stick to our values? Do we do what God would want us to do? Do we KNOW what we believe?

It was really thought provoking and really good. I need to be the best ME I can be. I can do this because I believe in myself and I believe in God. I believe He made me and I believe He wants me to be myself. Wow, good thoughts from Little House on the Prairie...ha! :)

Two Down Two To Go

So apparently that has been a title to my posts before. Why do I feel like history is repeating itself. UGH! So Oldest Girl as well as Youngest Girl are sick. Oldest was feeling better today and then tonight, took a turn for the worse. Nice. I wonder if I am doing something wrong as far as sanity...then I think, we are washing our hands until the babies hands are bleeding from dryness. I clean the kitchen with cleanser...I know, Oldest Girl is in school, all four of them are in Sunday School. So there you go...this winter has me down. Sad and frustrated and, well...sick.

Found a New Blog To Read...

I really was just playing with the Crazy Hip Blog Mama's and their latest carnival...so I didn't really expect to find someone else to read. That being said, I woke up and realized I had not found everyone on the internet that was interesting in my short 3 months of blogging...ha! So here we go, I found a GREAT read, she is a mother of four (wonder why that interests me) she is a full-time college student...hmmm...sound familiar? And she just basically sounds neat! So I am now reading a new blog and you should check her out too!!!

Why Can't I Seem to Follow Through?

I keep saying I want to read my Bible. To do a Bible Study. What is my problem? I think the answer might be in getting rid of the TV for awhile. I am not saying get rid of it forever. But turn it off. Read more. Stay off the computer more. None of this is news to me. It is the follow through I struggle with (thus the title, ha!). I know I should do this. In fact, I seriously WANT to do this. I want to be the person God wants me to be. So there you go...this is my daily struggle.

First Official Day of Spring Break

And Oldest Girl is sick. What a bummer. She had a fever last night and said her cough was bothering her. Now she has lain (is that a word) around all day long and says her throat hurts and keeps coughing. *SIGH* I just want well children. Is that too much to ask? Was going to get my hair cut tomorrow, I was so excited, it is from a friend of mine and I was actually getting to go to the salon (which meant a hair washing and a blow-dry...*SIGH**SIGH*). Cancelled the appointment...Then there is the topper offer...Oldest Son is still struggling with good decisions. He thinks it's ok to take other peoples drinks/candy/gum/mints, whatever he sees fit to take and then lie about it when he is caught. I'm trying to make sure I keep an eye on him at all times...but any of you with more than, well with any children, know it is an act of congress to keep them alive, let alone an eye on them at all times. So there you go. I discussed discipline with a friend of mine yesterday, it was very interesting to talk to her....needless to say, Oldest Son is in his room, grounded. He had a peanut butter sandwich for dinner and does not get to come out to play tonight. Although this might sound extremely severe, I assure you, it has been long in coming, I am really wanting to break this habitual stealing and lying as quickly as possible. He understands why he is in there and has been handling this discipline better than he has ever handled anything else. Maybe he is getting it? I sure hope so. I hope I haven't just damaged my son forever. Oh my...I just want to raise Happy, Healthy, Honest, Christ Loving Children...Pray for me...

A Day In The Life

It all starts rather innocently. I wake up, find out I am not going to the gym, I lay back down and I go back to sleep. I vaguely become aware the children are wanting breakfast...so the oldest gets the younger children breakfast and so I continue to doze. I gradually realize there are many different noises which are probably not good. So I force myself to come out of my mildly comatose state...ha! What do I find you ask...LOTS of Special K with Red Berries...LOTS AND LOTS of cereal. Ha ha! So I decide we are going to not get upset about it, it's technically my fault for being too lazy to get out of bed. So on to the next challenge...four children, dressed, hair fixed, teeth brushed and out the door at 8:30am when I woke up at 8. Ha! To this, I scoff...considering the fact that not one of the four children ended up with brushed teeth...Where are we headed at this time? HA! The orthodontist. So here I have four children with very dirty teeth going to see someone who works on teeth for a living. This is not my idea of excellent parenting. Moving on...what do we do after the ortho? We head to Oldest Girl's school to drop off the munchkin. This particular part is pretty uneventful. I love being at Oldest Girl's school. It is always happy and fun at the school. So we decide (the other three and I) to eat lunch at the school, it's easier than going home and making lunch. This is an act of congress...three YOUNG children in a cafeteria line where the cafeteria workers are on such a tight schedule they do not like to be detained for any length of time...did I mention I have twin TWO year old's and a somewhat shy 5 year old with me. So there you go...we get our food, get to a table and start to eat. Of course we spill our chocolate milk ALL over the table and we eat ONLY the fruit...by the way, I paid for the meals, so I'm a little on the UGH side. So I try to encourage more food in the little bodies. Pretty unsuccessful which means I have three FULL meals left. Ha...moving on. We leave school and head home...for naps. My Oldest Boy goes "down for naps" still but pretty much does nothing but play with his toys the entire time. Which is fine with me...he is resting. The other two, that is a whole other ball game. Boy Twin will NOT go down for a nap without a HUGE fight. A HUGE fight. This is mainly because he no longer has his "plug". Frustrating but we have success at some point. This is a day in the life leading up to the big issue...Youngest Boy decides to spill milk all over my computer. My up and down arrow and right to left arrow and my enter button...out of commission. It's interesting typing with a broken computer...not fun, but definitely interesting.

Did I mention Oldest Girl had a "leprechan" make a disaster out of her classroom today? I love her teacher, he ALWAYS makes learning fun! The kids were totally freaked out, they LOVED it.

To Whom It May Concern

I have officially written my thank you card and put it (stamped) in the mailbox and hopefully our mail lady will pick it up today. Thus removing any comments to the contrary to be made by any family member who might be disgraced by my lack of thank you card sending ability.

Struggling...Again...

So I am back to the struggling point. At what point does it stop? I have such issues with anxiety and I don't understand it. Why? What am I supposed to be learning from this? I know I can get through it, I have a million times before, I just hate the process. I wish I could come up with a way to completely avoid the anxiety issues and to just BE. I am generally one of the happiest people around...really am...right now, I am not. I am down. So, what SHOULD I BE DOING? You guessed it, reading my Bible and praying. So I am going to sign off and attempt to do just that. I think I REALLY REALLY REALLY need to get myself into a Bible study, that generally helps me concentrate on reading.

I'm BAAACCCKKKK

It has been ages since I've written anything! Hubby and I got back from a trip to San Francisco on Wednesday and it has been crazy ever since! I didn't realize how much we needed that trip until just this week. We had such a great time, we ate at AMAZING restaurants, visited places you only hear about, saw beautiful sights, wow, I will have to write a post just about all of the things we did. But for this post, I want to let anyone who has not gone on a trip alone with their spouse why they need to go...

Hubby and I have NEVER been on a trip. We have been married for 10 years and the first two years, we bought a house and then had a baby...and another baby...and then two more babies...so we have always visited family with the kids or done things with the kids. This year, we decided we needed a trip alone. Now I know why. I remember why I married my husband. He has always had an awesome personality...he has always been sweet and kind and loving and caring and fun...but life happens and those things get covered up by the stress of bills, kids, house, work, well...life. So those wonderful personality traits he has can be covered by being a husband and provider. This last week, he got to be free of all of those things and we had the time of our lives. He was hilarious! I watched him chase crabs up and down a beach trying to catch them (he was successful), I watched him in AWE at Alcatraz while he heard the audio tour about the old jail. I watched him enjoy meals like he had never been fed before. It was so good for me to see him again. I think it is something we will both savor for a long time. It has been fun at home again. We have been so stressed out for so long, this was so awesome.

So Hubby of mine, thank you for being you and being the wonderful father, husband and friend you are. I love you!!!!!