Saturday, January 27, 2007

5 year old...Can someone help please

We have a five year old. He is almost six. I know he is a middle child (not sure how it works considering he has twin siblings younger than him). I am struggling so much with him. There is no form of discipline that works for is the problem: He steals. Not from stores, not like that...but candy, gogurt, his sisters toys. Then he lies about it. He is such a good liar, I can't tell if he's telling the truth. I don't want to ruin his spirit, but I am starting to get desparate. I couldn't find Oldest Girl's "slugbug" she got for Christmas from her grandparents this I asked Oldest Boy about it. Thinking he might have taken it, he totally denied having anything to do with it. So move forward about 3 hours, we are cleaning their room (it is an absolute disaster) and I open a toy farm and inside, what do I find, but the slugbug. So I spank...three times...for lying and for stealing and it doesn't even phase him. I knew this (I was totally calm while spanking, not angry...just really worried). I know spanking doesn't phase him, but the thing is, NOTHING phases I took away his Star Wars action figures. He seems (and I mean seems) to be devastated...but I don't know if this is the answer. I am seriously worried he is going to end up doing something so stupid when he gets older...he just doesn't think of consequences. I am SURE he does not get enough attention, he craves attention...but I have three other children, 2 of which are 2!!! This is so hard. I feel like a total failure as a mother. I am not someone who wants to be a spanker for one...but time out, doesn't make ANY difference to all...I want to discipline, not destroy. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!


MotoMom said...

I found your blog a few days ago via a comment you left at Laurelwreath. My daughter was diagnosed with ADD in 3rd grade, she is now in 7th. I know what you are going through. I frequently feel like a failure when it comes to parenting. Two wonderful resources I would recommend are and the book, Driven to Distraction. There are no easy answers or quick fixes. Educating yourself is the best thing you can do. As difficult as it is to have a child with ADD there are also many blessings that come with it. You will be in my prayers.

Phil said...

My daughter went through this "stealing and lying" phase last year, when she was four. We spanked a few times, but it didn't seem to work. So then we just started taking away privileges, while at the same time telling her stories about why stealing and lying is bad.

In a couple of instances, she was going into my son's room to steal his candy. First thing, we got down her Halloween basket and let her brother choose three pieces out of it. She wasn't very happy about that. The second time she stole candy out of his room, we took her Halloween basket and dumped the entire thing into her brother's basket. That was very traumatic for her, and stopped her taking anything out of his room again.

We've been making headway on the lying by telling her over and over that she will be punished MORE for telling a lie than for whatever she was lying about. It took a couple of months, but she slowly grew out of it. Now she seems to take great pride in telling the truth.

I hope some of that helps. Just keep showing your son the consequences of stealing and lying.