Trusting God

Today, we went to the college service at church for the first time. It was pretty awesome! I love listening to the group singing (I only knew a few of the songs) and I loved listening to the lesson...it's the first one I've heard in awhile because we are doing children's church this month...and I teach a class at the Sunday school time. So anyway, that all being said...the guy that did the sermon today was really interesting...he made a comment/question that is sticking with me. Do I trust God? Wow? Do I? I honestly don't think I do. At least, not as much as I should...I know in my head God is in total control. I know He has a plan for my life. I know all of this...but do I believe all of this? I know He loves me. I know He gave me these children. I know He chose my husband for me. I know He gives me life. I know He wants me to follow Him. I know all of these things. I do...I just don't know if I believe them. I am not sure this will make sense to anyone other than my strange little brain. But I struggle with this so often. I know I want to follow God. I want to love Him above anything else in the world. I just don't know how to feel the emotions that are supposed to go along with that. I am not sure I have a REAL relationship with Christ. I believe, I have been baptized, I read the Bible, I believe it to be infallible. I just want to feel something...emotional. I do every once in awhile. I listen to a song or a story or I hear something from someone. But I always feel disturbed when I hear someone talk about how God is working in their lives. I know He is working in mine, I have no doubt, I see it if I look. I just don't automatically have the emotions that are supposed to go along with that. Hope that all makes sense...if not, just pray for me. I want more from my relationship with Christ. I want it to be deep and meaningful. Not just filled with religon.