Sunday, December 17, 2006
Hmmmmm
I love to read...so I read about other people on their blogs, or books or random other things...I am having trouble getting back to reading my Bible...I'm not very good at it. I get good at it for awhile and then it goes away...it is so easy to get complacent about Christianity. Here's my dilema: How do I know I am a Christian? Seriously...I know that sounds really random but here is the backround for it...I read other people's blogs, hear other people talk, etc. They say things like "God is so good"...and random other comments...God has really helped me in this decision, etc. And I wonder how they get those emotions inside themselves. What am I doing wrong. I know I want it. I really really want it. I want the emotions that go along with the belief. I TOTALLY TOTALLY believe...I have even questioned my belief...thought it through...and still came to the same conclusion, there is no denying Jesus is the Son of God. He really died for us. He died for me. What is wrong with me? I almost feel snide comments or snide emotions when I hear things...I don't really feel that way, I don't want to feel that way if I do feel that way. I LOVE GOD! How do I make myself feel things? Something is truly wrong with me...
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2 comments:
I used to feel the same way! Whenever I heard people talk about how God lead them to do something or God wanted them to do this or that, I always thought they were crazy! Then this past March I went to a women's retreat with my church.(I so didn't want to go at first!) And everything changed!!! It was so awesome! I got baptized with the Holy Spirit and I could really just feel God cleaning my "soul". I'm not saying it was easy, I still struggle everyday with thoughts that the enemy puts in my head! Only recently have I truly felt like I am actually in the presence of God when I'm praying. I'll pray for you! I'm so happy to hear (read) you say that you love God! He is awesome!!! Talk to you more soon!! Have a great day! Oh and I know this is from a different blog, but I so understand what you mean about "having to stay home with the kids" especially since they're sick!!!! I'm usually upset that I can't spend more time at home with my kids because I have to work, but this coming up weekend I'm off on Friday and Monday for the Christmas holidays, so I know by Monday at lunch I'll be ready to take them to daycare Tuesday!!
So I am reading your blog after reading your comment on mine. This post could have been one of my own. I hear ya sister. I recently wrote a long, heart wrenching email to a dear friend, questioning if I even love God. I mean, I know He is my Savior. But is He close enough to call a friend? Do I love Him? The problem was that I did not feel it. I needed the feelings behind it. This past week, through a series of eventd, I have been so filled with His love... I feel as though it is over flowing from me. I had to ask Him to fill me... and He did. And now I know, beyond all doubt, that I do love Him... more and more each day!
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