Thursday, February 22, 2007

I had this post in my head...

I was going to complain. I was going to complain about rude people...about various other things. Instead, I started reading some of the blogs I subscribe to. I read one from a friend of mine talking about the things she is giving up for Lent. She is not Catholic, this is simply a time of reflection for her and she is giving some things up. I read another friends blog about the Proverbs 31 woman. So...complaining is gone, anger at the reason I was going to complain, gone.

Does it amaze anyone else how God works? He heard my cry of anger, He saw my frustration and my building up of annoyance...He led me to people who were seeing things in such a way, it benefits my well-being. WOW! That amazes me.

I recently asked another relatively new friend of mine advice for my walk with Christ. She was brilliant in her response to me and she has helped me more than she knows. One of the things she said is that I need to be talking to God all day long. It doesn't have to be these big, long, sit down prayers that ramble on about nothing...it can be short and sweet...and that is basically all I have done. I am not good at sitting down and CONCENTRATING on my prayer. I hope someday to be better at it, but right now, I am lucky to remember it was God I was talking to if I sit down for too long. So I am happy to say I have been praying small prayers...all day long. I don't think I am anywhere near where I even wanted to be by now but I am moving forward. I am seeing things I believe He is wanting me to see. I am learning about my relationship with Christ, it's not anyone else's.

On to another part of this, I am not sure if this is considered an epiphany or not...actually, I have no idea what to call it...I will say this, showering to praise music is the best way to get clean!!! I started just thinking and thinking and thinking. I was listening to Shawn McDonald (if you haven't heard him, FIND HIM AND LISTEN, HE IS AMAZING). His song was saying "I cannot do it on my own". Suddenly, I thought, I can't have a relationship with Christ by just thinking I can do it. I'm not made that way, God didn't make me to have a relationship without Christ being the one I lean on. I keep thinking, why don't I have these emotions that other people do when they talk about God...why don't I react to certain things the way other people do? What is wrong with me? NOTHING. God designed each of us differently and the only way ANY of us can have a relationship with Christ is to lean on Christ. Fill ourselves with Christ. Learn more about Christ, LOVE ON CHRIST. We can't do any of this on our own. I'm not sure if any of this is coming out how I am feeling it but I do know I am thinking a little bit differently every day. It is really kind of fun. I am learning something new about myself and my world every single day. I am really enjoying this walk.

On yet another note, that seems to follow along the same track, I am reading another book, "Tuesday's With Morrie" by Mitch Albom. It is a true story about a professor and one of his old students and the relationship they share as Morrie is dying of ALS (Lou Gherig's disease). It is heartwrenching at best. It is amazing to read how someone can have such a positive outlook on what the important things in life are even though they are losing function of their body little by little EVERY SINGLE DAY! The book is reminding me of the important things in my life. Morrie talks about not needing the "Achievements" to feel fulfilled. I am a lover of shopping. I don't necessarily love "STUFF" but I love to shop. I am filling some sort of void when I am shopping...now I have to figure out what that void is and fill it more appropriately.

On a relatively different note, I am SAD...my neighbor and dear friend is moving. Actually, she moved today. This is going to be a huge adjustment...I know I still have my Flicka, I am so thankful for this, it would be MUCH worse if Flicka were not here...but I will miss this friend. I am sure others out there understand what I am saying. She is moving 3 miles away, not a far distance, but logistically, it is much more than 3 miles. I am afraid of the dynamics of our friendship changing. I know from experience it is something that happens and I plan on working on trying to make this something that doesn't happen. Anyway, working through all of this as well as the millions of other thoughts I cannot even "verbalize".

So this is my world tonight. I am in thinking mode.

5 comments:

Elizabeth S said...

Hey. Loved your thoughts today. I am in a thinking mode as well. Have a good day. Love ya.

the_a_team said...

Hello! I think it's really good that you realize that God made everyone different and that everyone responds Him differently!!! That is so good!
I've also learned it's much easier to pray all day with short and simple prayers than to sit down and "concentrate" on a prayer. I just talk to God all day, just like if he was sitting right next to me.
I'm sorry your friend moved.
I'm going to try and e-mail you this weekend! I've been super busy!
Talk to you soon!
Love--Amanda

Victoria said...

hi my superfabulicious sister! i love you so much! and hoping this won't sound condescending or silly but reading your blogs is such an amazing reflection of how Christ is moving in your life. I can see Him moving, growing and you slowly decreasing...slowly dying. WOW God is soooo super real and personal. He trips me out. I fail fail fail and yet He is still so faithful. dude...who can explain it.

Crystal said...

Hey you!! I just love you girl --your post always just hit me over the head and I think GOd has you write them for me!!!! hee hee!!! :O)-- I need to talk to God all day there is so much I can't do on my own--oh my is there ever!!! I also loved when you were talking about showering to praise and worship music--oooh yes--I have been putting praise and worship music on everyday for the kids and they both love it--Caleb wants to listen to it more than his "Silly Songs for Kids!!! OOOH girl I love ya !!!--You hang in there okay this is one blogger who is praying for you and your family!!!! hugs!!!

victoria said...

i wish you were awake right now...i would call. but it is almost 2am and you are probably asleep...sometimes being an emotional girl sucks really really bad!! Tonight it is one of those times...silly silly silly BLAH!! Ok finished venting _ whew! I think I will go pray :-) probably what God is getting at anyhoo...