I had this post in my head...

I was going to complain. I was going to complain about rude people...about various other things. Instead, I started reading some of the blogs I subscribe to. I read one from a friend of mine talking about the things she is giving up for Lent. She is not Catholic, this is simply a time of reflection for her and she is giving some things up. I read another friends blog about the Proverbs 31 woman. So...complaining is gone, anger at the reason I was going to complain, gone.

Does it amaze anyone else how God works? He heard my cry of anger, He saw my frustration and my building up of annoyance...He led me to people who were seeing things in such a way, it benefits my well-being. WOW! That amazes me.

I recently asked another relatively new friend of mine advice for my walk with Christ. She was brilliant in her response to me and she has helped me more than she knows. One of the things she said is that I need to be talking to God all day long. It doesn't have to be these big, long, sit down prayers that ramble on about nothing...it can be short and sweet...and that is basically all I have done. I am not good at sitting down and CONCENTRATING on my prayer. I hope someday to be better at it, but right now, I am lucky to remember it was God I was talking to if I sit down for too long. So I am happy to say I have been praying small prayers...all day long. I don't think I am anywhere near where I even wanted to be by now but I am moving forward. I am seeing things I believe He is wanting me to see. I am learning about my relationship with Christ, it's not anyone else's.

On to another part of this, I am not sure if this is considered an epiphany or not...actually, I have no idea what to call it...I will say this, showering to praise music is the best way to get clean!!! I started just thinking and thinking and thinking. I was listening to Shawn McDonald (if you haven't heard him, FIND HIM AND LISTEN, HE IS AMAZING). His song was saying "I cannot do it on my own". Suddenly, I thought, I can't have a relationship with Christ by just thinking I can do it. I'm not made that way, God didn't make me to have a relationship without Christ being the one I lean on. I keep thinking, why don't I have these emotions that other people do when they talk about God...why don't I react to certain things the way other people do? What is wrong with me? NOTHING. God designed each of us differently and the only way ANY of us can have a relationship with Christ is to lean on Christ. Fill ourselves with Christ. Learn more about Christ, LOVE ON CHRIST. We can't do any of this on our own. I'm not sure if any of this is coming out how I am feeling it but I do know I am thinking a little bit differently every day. It is really kind of fun. I am learning something new about myself and my world every single day. I am really enjoying this walk.

On yet another note, that seems to follow along the same track, I am reading another book, "Tuesday's With Morrie" by Mitch Albom. It is a true story about a professor and one of his old students and the relationship they share as Morrie is dying of ALS (Lou Gherig's disease). It is heartwrenching at best. It is amazing to read how someone can have such a positive outlook on what the important things in life are even though they are losing function of their body little by little EVERY SINGLE DAY! The book is reminding me of the important things in my life. Morrie talks about not needing the "Achievements" to feel fulfilled. I am a lover of shopping. I don't necessarily love "STUFF" but I love to shop. I am filling some sort of void when I am shopping...now I have to figure out what that void is and fill it more appropriately.

On a relatively different note, I am SAD...my neighbor and dear friend is moving. Actually, she moved today. This is going to be a huge adjustment...I know I still have my Flicka, I am so thankful for this, it would be MUCH worse if Flicka were not here...but I will miss this friend. I am sure others out there understand what I am saying. She is moving 3 miles away, not a far distance, but logistically, it is much more than 3 miles. I am afraid of the dynamics of our friendship changing. I know from experience it is something that happens and I plan on working on trying to make this something that doesn't happen. Anyway, working through all of this as well as the millions of other thoughts I cannot even "verbalize".

So this is my world tonight. I am in thinking mode.