Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I've been struggling

My struggle may sound RIDICULOUS to most people...and sometimes I think it is ridiculous...I am struggling with my father. I am struggling because my father is not the husband he should be to my mother. He basically ignores her. He treats her as though she is an obligation he is HAVING to spend time with, when he bothers to show up. Generally, he doesn't show up. He believes work is more important than his wife...and I know this. I know this so well, I am sick of him. I don't want to talk to him, I have to force myself to be kind to him because I really want to share what I think of how he acts to him. My mother...she hates this...but sticks by him. Recently I have been flooded with people talking about a book called "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. This is an amazing book. I hadn't thought much about it...I've already read it...until this morning. The third person has mentioned this book and the Book of the Bible it references, Hosea. My sister and I talk...she brings up Hosea when talking about my father...So here is my struggle: I believe God wants me to pay attention to Hosea, to forgive my father, YET AGAIN, and be like my mother...Hosea. UGH! This is so hard for me, I don't understand how you can be the way my father is and still feel good about yourself. I can't understand how I am supposed to forgive him, love him through this and be the daughter I am suppposed to be to my father. Hosea. God can do this. I can't. So my request this morning is prayers for my heart. To feel the love I am supposed to feel for my father, to feel the Hosea run through me...

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

don't try to understand...just know it's what God wants you to do. I know, easier said than done.
Jennifer B

Elizabeth S said...

I totally agree with Jennifer. I have had to do the same with my dad. It has been very hard, but the blessings that come from obedience far outweigh the struggle. But I also share with my dad when I don't like how he is living, or when I think God is telling me to speak up. It is really hard, but he knows I come to him in love and not condemnation. Call me sometime; we'll talk! Love ya.

victoria said...

dude - loved this blog - CRAZY talk man - God is so God... how does He do it??? I love love love it when He speaks and then He speaks again...and then He speaks again and you sit there dumbfounded cause you get it...but you just can't fully grasp the elaborate weaving He is accomplishing through us - I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU!! (hee hee yup I am leaving messages everywhere for you...) hugs hugs

Crystal said...

Hey you-- I started to e-mail you long before now but I got a little side tracked with baby Emma --so sorry I have been thinking about you all week and I have prayed for you with a heavy heart--ok I am going to put this on here because I think it goes thru you first--but could you say some prayers for me this week--I have not told anyone this but I am scared! --I think we are going to adopt again--we are waiting to hear back from our agency--and I am really seeking GOd's will right now--there are so many things that have to go right to make this work and Guatemala is very if'y right now --they are talking about shutting down --the whole thing scares me but my heart says-- go for it his grace in getting Emma has taught me to dream big and not to be afraid--the transition has been so smooth with Caleb and Emma that I really would like another one --I really want Emma to have a sibling close to her in age although these two will probably be less than a year apart--and I just might lose my mind hee hee!!! --so sorry about no punctuation and all of my run ons I just get to ramblin!!! okay I think we will know more MOnday or Tuesday YIKES!!! :o)